the people i know solely within the descriptions of others are very weak, weak characters indeed. as soon as my view of them is changed by someone giving me a different version, the way they look in my head also transforms. sometimes they become more beautiful, other times they begin to wither and perhaps contract the pox. all that i hold in my head of them are a bizarre collection of imaginings - and yet, what about the people i have met in person? their faces are made up of memories, near transparent stills layered by the millions, a portrait of time. and they are subject to the same transformations. subjectivity makes me a mite paranoid.

In other news... Amanda Palmer has written a play - The Onion Cellar.
I have expressed my reaction in the following:

Sydney is quite nice
There are ducks and sometimes bats
Boston is better

maybe i will write a play. maybe it will be about a wizard who harnesses the ocean currents caused by global warming to conjure an unspeakable evil. maybe i will blackmail my loved ones into contributing...
probably i will not. :)

goodnight!

i'm listening to Delta tap away on her piano. i'm watching spashley fan vids on youtube. i'm also watching the bones move underneath my skin when i type. i know that for all my analytical scepticism, i am a teenage girl at heart.
it's at the most unremarkable times such as now that i manage to feel overwhelmed by the incredibleness of life. i can't explain it, just sometimes... things feel absolutely perfect. almost like i can stand outside of it, amazed that i'm alive at all. i feel like i'll never get used to the world. it makes it very hard to worry about anything. UAI? pah. PAH.
at the same time, my delight in existence has meant that i'm not as passionately angry about things as i used to be. a necessary trade off, maybe. i can't help thinking there would be less to be angry about if more people relaxed, and took the afternoon off to read in the sun.
and i know that i sound like a sap. you see, i am a sap.

the last few days have been really nice... i spent yesterday afternoon at Jared's house, then stayed up late talking to Tim (Sophie's brother) on msn. i've just come back from Mona's 18th, where there was dancing and celebration, and now i'm going to draw for a while...
things are excellent.

ha! i found a blog post on my computer from the 18th of october. i'm going to post it here:

>>>>

This week has gone by in the proverbial flash. And overall, the past few days have been hardly stressful at all. I spent last Monday in Venue Music with my dad, playing several different guitars…
It ended up that I bought the first one that I bled on… Which sounds pretty rock and roll, but the truth is I’d cut my finger making a sandwich about half an hour before leaving the house. Still.

On Thursday I saw Jared, which made the ‘C seem hardly important. Or made me a lot more optimistic, at least.
On Saturday we set out to get the guitar, ended up with a flat battery in the middle of the city, and I bought some peach flavoured ice-tea.
On Sunday my grandmother told me that she knew I’d do well in the exams, but that she’d love me anyway if I didn’t… (yay)
I skipped a night of sleep on Monday, hoping that it might help me kick the inevitably renewed 2am – 10am sleeping pattern, and so gained the goodness of a disc of Buffy and a completed ’Truth essay. The sleeping situation however remains dire.
And the highlight… Last night my sister and I jammed in the style of something like dada-folk. Without giving in to the temptation of hyperbole, it was akin to the musical realisation of god.

And today I have studied. Which has been alright, even f i haven't quite managed the copious amount that I’d imagined magically being able to do. And in general things have been nice, apart from my having to adopt “don’t be psychotic” as a mantra.
Hmmm.

>>>>

i'm also going to post some of my spam poems. i'm now receiveing over 1000 spam emails a month, most of them full of randomised text in order to fool the filters. it reads like the subconscious of the internet. which explains all the sex. anyway here they are in the form of verse:

With her foot in a washbasin
She said, “Rance Belmont.
He wants your info,
And hot face.”
And so I shot him

In the week following the hurricane,
All I could see was
Scenes of misery, screaming,
Cheering, adoring fans.
I also made up some roasted carrots.

I remember
Da in the rocking chair
With his other clothes on,
Telling us
Coded Government secrets:
“The biscuits need attending to”;
“Young Slut so pulchritudinous”

Dead monsters
Enjoy the world.
Regards,
El Diablo


they are presents. to make up for my lack of posting. (they will also make my name).
it usually happens that i do a lot more reflection when my internet connection is experiencing shyness. right now i have no excuse not to blog, because my keyboard has been replaced and i've actually been doing things that are worth remembering. at least in the short term.
unexcitingly enough, the first among them has been the hours upon hours of each day that i spend downloading and subsequently watching tv episodes: firefly, studio 60, and most recently, south of nowhere - a mediocre american teen drama focusing on two pretty girls who fall in love. which is my favourite thing ever. oh, and principal snider makes a guest appearance as the terrifying sexual orientation specialist.
my aunt and i have also fallen into obsession with queer as folk. i've been spending half my days at her place, which is cheating, in a way... because i have left my house, but only to stay inside all day in the house of someone else.
it sounds stupid, but watching shows about people who are gay is reassuring. mostly i think because you get to swap realities for a while, so that all of a sudden everyone in the world is happy loving whoever they love and fear is something that happens only in movies made for freaks who choose to live that way (but its ok because we don't let them get married). anyway. things are fine for me, so i can't let myself get overdramatic on the issue.

last night was jess w's 18th, which was great fun. i caught up with some people i haven't seen since the formal, was hugged by some of my favourite people, and talked to dave about the theatre. also, mintie and mia came to my house beforehand for joanna newsom tickets and stayed for a time, which made me glad.
usually at this hour i would be reading my emails. or failing that, reading my spam emails.

speech day is tomorrow. a reminder of the timetabled life. BLEH. i should go to rest.