"we bet you just can't wait to catch this highly anticipated big-screen lesbian kiss"


grove expectations (poetry night) at cas's last night. got there early after zero hours of sleep the night before, boltanski'd her bannister and drank some mulled wine. that place is so warming, our world in there is beautiful. kind of like my new wife, megan washington (i may have watched her videos and died of love, a little). these things make me miss jen.

we read some poetry, in a special reading chair. spotlight and all, with an isosceles fairylight crown. i read one by this guy, and also read an old one of mine. i've had this other poem lurking around for ages, i thought about reading it, didn't. this is it:

we woke up in the park last week,
leaves in my hair, grass on my cheek.
searching for bruises i felt should be there,
i was cursing my body for failing to bear

our purple indiscretions in flesh

so that others might notice, make mention
of these marks, and of this embodied tension,
discuss and speculate on our night's lesson
(that somehow never lessened the question;

is it actually me you want?)

but i won't tell if you won't, it's just us
and yeah, you're right, it's just lust.
it's just cost trust and lost love,
we both got drunk and forgot who i was

so you should know that i don't blame you

but can you just
admit that it's
fucked.


m, i don't know, there's still a fifteen year old emoet in there.

also, later, poems from this guy:

... and others.

things have been strange of late,
i'm burning through the weeks.
though last night was a fantastic reminder that i can do things. sometimes, i feel as though we have such incredibly important fun. it is perfect and essential.

have i ever told you that i love you?

so, ALSO, things are ok, on the whole. for me. although, almost everything is spectacularly unfathomable to me these days; i am way too distracted by life-detail. ah i'd like to have you all over here in my head some time, whenever you forget that pine nuts and batteries are incomprehensibly miraculous.
mostly, today, girls amaze me.

working on the music for tomorrow night. it's going to be seriously AMAZING.