You are looking into the eyes of your cat while she purrs on your lap, and you somehow feel that she's trying to communicate with you. Maybe telepathically - maybe animals can do that. You listened to that radiolab episode about animal minds and it basically suggested that we don't have a fucking clue about what happens inside there, so a cat might as well be telepathic. You feel like she's saying,
"yes, i know you can hear me. I wasn't sure if you could understand me before but now I think we're getting somewhere."
You're communing with an animal, incredibly, and it's only happening because you're having the most amazing cuddle time ever. She raises her neck in a certain way as to say,
"here, can you just rub me a little here on my cheek?"
But what she means is that basically what she would like for you to do is smush her cute face around. So you smush her cute face around. She loves it, and so do you. You start comparing the fact that she just wants to be near things that are warm and fleshy to your own desire to be close to things that are warm and fleshy, and you think, maybe people don't really want to cheat on their wives, really they just want the cute parts of their faces to be smushed around and to curl up in something all around them. But as soon as your cat feels that you have taken the cuddle-communication too far into the realms of intellectual abstraction, she starts to ignore you, muttering,
"I knew you weren't ready."
You want to reassure her that no, you shouldn't have doubted her, and you want to keep the channel of telepathy open, so you start babbling about how your friend last night was telling bad jokes about cats so you then said "stop your animaligning", but she cuts you off -
"That's not a very good animal joke either. Why are you making jokes about animals in the first place? But if you are, why not 'that's a cat-astrophe!' "
"Oh because that is quite common."
"Ohh? I've never heard it before. I think it's a very good joke. Especially if you were to develop a system among your friends in which the worst jokes about animals were awarded with a cat arse. You know, like a cat arse trophy."
"That's quite a build up for just that one joke."
"But it would be the best!" she telepaths emphatically, and her huge cute eyes swell with conviction.
"You're right," you mindbeam, "we'll put it on the internet". And you do.
