Re Capping

The days are moving by at an alarming rate (Though I only notice by the length of my nails). And so, the last few weeks have been lost from my feeble record, faded into a haze of vaguely recalled moods. Most of them gleeful.

- I have been doing lots of housework. It’s starting to get to me: On Wednesday I was genuinely delighted to open a new packet of kitchen sponges.

- I’ve been employed! I’m now working part time at the Bakers Delight in Mosman. I can finally afford to leave the house.

- Yesterday on the train I glimpsed a girl toss her head and grin mischievously at her boyfriend. I realised that within the space of those few motions I had assumed her entire character, my mind having been set off on a succession of mental and visual associations that seemed to hover like afterlight over what I saw, brighter the more I tried to peer past it. I feel as though what I see isn’t what is there at all, only a kind of collage of what I have come to expect. It’s a strange thing to feel – different to simply knowing that it’s possible. And strange to think about, when you include how you see yourself.

- Candice and El’s 18th was last friday, which was excellent fun. There were card tricks and cake and conversations with my wonderful friends.

- I caught up with Krista and Millie again on Sunday evening to partake in the glory of Tropfest. Many of the films were really quite good, many were not, overall I had a fantastic night in excellent company. Friendship trophies all around (omg an inside joke AAGH).

- I finished reading Narcissus and Goldmund on the train today, and stared out the window a while, marvelling at the splendour of the world and the wonder of imagination. How fantastic a novel looks in my head, how forgivable a species we must be to create such beauty. The book is also masterful in how coherently ideas about duality, life and art are woven together.

- Niki is going to Melbourne on Thursday. Bye Niki! You will be missed.

- I have been listening to more albums: I love Mew. And I love Amy Millan. And I love Ani DiFranco’s new album.

- I like you lots.

Goodnight!

Pastoral in the Past

not much has happened in recent days. i watched Serenity and Spanglish last night, the latter of which was a very pleasant surprise. the script was fantastic, and spectacularly acted. the story was simple and genuine, and managed to become ridiculously romantic without allowing itself to depart from reality.

that aside, the reason i'm posting at all is that i've just uploaded some photos taken at the farm.



here we (harry, sarah, jen and i) are pulling corrugated iron bits out of the ground. there is a mysterious black line across jen and harry, presumably portending their imminent deaths/ the badness of my scanner.











after our half hour of backbreaking labour, we went swimming in the river. it seems kind of rustically charming and whimsical, doesn't it. it was, at the time. i later couldn't sleep for all the peculiar bites on my arms...









which ensured that i was awake while the sun came up. a thick mist had collected in the paddock below, stretched out like a cobweb.
i watched the sun emerge from behind the mountains and sweep it away, all the while listening to Kid A. then i listened to The Waifs' Up All Night. kind of incredibly appropriate.






oh! and i forgot to mention that my cousins and jen and i have started playing music together. harry came over on saturday and we just jammed... he played the clarinet, jen and i played the violin. it was great fun, and we actually sounded nice. hurray ^^

goodnight!

Music is My Spiegel House

i saw Joanna Newsom perform at the spiegel tent last night. it was such an intimate atmosphere that i almost felt strange staring up at her, though this quickly subsided as she began to play bridges and balloons. this being the song that i first fell in awe of.
from time to time i've mentioned being able to feel a certain out-of-myselfness. last night as she was playing, it hit me without my even trying. she cannot be hyped enough.
and she is so extremely adorable.!

so, i woke up reasonably late today, with not much time to leave the house. it's good in a way, because it has meant that my proportion of excitement during waking hours has been greatly increased.
at 1:30 i met up with Millie and Krista, who i haven't seen since at least year 9. we watched a free exhibition-related bollywood-esque movie at the NSW (with an intermission!), before walking down to the botanic gardens to watch the eels. it's actually really exciting to have gotten back into contact with them both, they being as remarkably cool as they are. they like Cansei de Ser Sexy. so i listened to it. it is the best.

* intermission *

tonight i watched Saw III. i'm ridiculous. it's because Judd has put all these movies on my computer, you see. sigh. i'm still ridiculous.

and right now i'm listening to Beach House again. i keep listening to it, and i keep not liking it. i am usually not so persistent, but i continue to feel that perhaps somehow during all my previous listens i have been in the wrong mood. i can usually save any music that i don't really like by imagining the kind of scene in a movie it would be set to - so i'm currently picturing a wooden carriage at sunset, on its way out of a small european coastal town that has been overtaken by robots. also, the dark-haired clean-shaven bohemian of a protagonist is having an identity crisis, because he has discovered that his great grandfather was a robot. i don't know how it ends, because the music doesn't really go anywhere from there. but now that i've taken the time, i'm beginning to find it nice.

hm! goodnight!

Regret

“to accept oneself as fate, not to desire oneself ‘different’… this is great rationality itself.”

I used to say that I was without regret, for every mistake has led me to where I am. However, it’s the regret and guilt that I live with that has shaped me into what I am. In year four I accidentally fractured a neighbour’s window when some friends from up the street and I held skateboard races in their backyard. At first we didn’t tell anyone. I had nightmares about being arrested for days. One morning I was watching Grease and my mum asked me if I knew anything about a window being broken. So, I confessed. To this day, whenever I feel like a criminal, that scene in Grease where everyone is parked on the cliff comes to mind. Recently, everything awful that happened between Rachael and I has been playing over again and again in my head. Hundreds of times a day.

I don’t know if there is room for rationality, at this stage. Maybe this is how one becomes what one is. But then, it seems ridiculous to fill in more clearly the picture by tearing at what is already there.

Anyway, I’m sounding unstable. Don’t be alarmed by this “I am my regret” thing. It’s not quite so dramatic as that – rather, how certain things happened the way they did is something that has been on my mind. And although these actions are fixed in the past, whatever we manage drag into the present becomes it. Whether we choose to appreciate the now or not, we cannot exist outside of it. Maybe that is obvious.

Oh yeah, I watched Little Miss Sunshine tonight. It was kind of good and kind of meh, but I might have been expecting too much. And I watched Saw II. Which was completely horrible, but made me want to script an atrociously cliché detective movie of my own. Maybe without people diving into pits of syringes. Mostly because I don’t think the budget will allow it.

Night night

women: you can't beat them

last friday i saw a girl rock out on the saxophone, climb on top of her amp and rock out some more. on the saxophone. oh i am so into the saxophone. she belongs to a band called bridezilla (and maybe my heart).
since then i have slipped into a familiar holiday pattern. i watch movies, i read, i go to other people's houses in the evenings and we laugh in a carefree manner.
i go walking in the afternoons. i sit behind a tree that seems barely more than bark and watch people play soccer in the park below. yesterday the air was so thick that their shapes were reduced to whatever their movements reminded me of. it was nice, also, to feel that if the whole world gazed back at me it would have to squint. and maybe mistake me for a deckchair or a crocodile.

i go running at midnight. the city is still so lit that it feels like a perpetual 8 o’clock, except there are no tracksuited couples and tiny dogs. i love it. i’m going to become a doctor and acquire a ridiculous surname so that i can publish children’s books about my adventures:

city lights smirk at the work of the sun,
through a cloudless mirk, like a cancerous lung
(still, running at night time is excellent fun)


now, for something out of my day to day pattern... today i enrolled.
in semester one i will be taking:
EDUF1018 Education, Teachers and Teaching
ENGL1015 Inventing Modernity
CLCV1001 Classical Mythology
PHIL1011 Reality, Ethics and Beauty

and in semester two:
EDUF1019 Human Development and Education
ENGL1007 Language, Texts and Time
CLSS1002 Greece and Rome in Performance
PHIL1010 Society, Knowledge and Reason

fantastic. also, the university is as sexy as they get, and i talked to a friendly co-english/drama-future-teacher by the name of Anne. so i'm feeling optimistic. also, the next few days are full of excitement.

goodnight

i was going to write a proper post.

1. The Dresden Dolls – Yes, Virginia
2. Thom Yorke – The Eraser
3. Regina Spektor – Begin to Hope
4. Emily Haines – Knives Don’t Have Your Back
5. Joanna Newsom – Ys
6. Final Fantasy – He Poos Clouds
7. The Knife – Silent Shout
8. TV on the Radio – Return to Cookie Mountain
9. Cat Power – The Greatest
10. Beirut – Gulag Orkestar

instead, my 10 favourite albums from last year.

* some may notice that i removed X&Y from the list. this is not because rishi might hit me, but because it was released in 2005.

Serpentine

so i've been accepted into Bachelor of Arts/Bachelor of Education (Secondary: Humanities and Social Sciences) at Sydney University. friends and a gigantic library and cheap live music and societies and politics and lots more learning awaits.
i am mostly overjoyed. but it all seems to have come so easily. i was talking to Helen once (or twice, and probably will again) about there being almost two paths that we could see our lives spiralling down. to dramatise the situation, there is the path of least resistance, where we become teachers and return to the community what we can, having at the same time a nice life full of a responsible love and some children. then, there is forever the possibility of how much more could be sacrificed of that life in order to make that much more of a difference. do i really have the conviction.? for me it's not necessarily about teaching, because i think it's one of the most honourable things a person can do, but about the way i can see my life becoming so very structured, simply because everything is most easily set up to work that way.
the path of least resistance. is what makes the river crooked, makes it serpentine, according to my favourite punk-folkstress.
i have settled deep into a deteministic take on things, which makes the thought less of a plagueing one. yet is, of course, a cop out. it has no practical application. it cannot, without the entire situation becoming paradoxical. trying to visualise the process used to make my small capacity for logic whirr - so much so that I’ve resigned to a kind of faith that everything will work out how it must. it’s the closest I get to god.
I believe in god, by the way. Not the kind that listens, only the kind that lives in people.
Though I have recently been unnerved by the realisation that my meditation-induced feeling of connectedness can be easily reproduced through the consumption of various poisons. Some will respond: “of course”. i will politely instruct them to shut up.
Anyway. I think I’m doing the right thing. In year ten I skipped a day of school and stared at a leech until I decided on a purpose. It is to help people, in the best way that I can. I hope that I can.
Of course, my third plan is to wander the world applying a differently scented lipgloss for every new emotion i encounter, to then spend the years of my dotage using each to evoke the glorious days of my youth. or maybe marry amanda palmer. i guess i could combine the two.

For some actual news… i went to Kristina's 18th last night and had a very good time. we argued about becoming a republic, and gave Kris a tiny tree, among other things. also, i've seen Jared every day this week, which has been really nice. even though (or perhaps especially as) it involved aforementioned poisons. my dad's friend Judd is in town. he makes his own furniture. he sings beautiful old songs, and teaches me new chords. he has installed cubase SX and Reason 3 on our computer, and has tonight taught me how to use them. obviously i'll now become an incredible songstress. obviously.
i'm yet to discover what it is that separates music from that thing that makes your heart feel like it’s there. Someday.

Sleep tight, hearties

today was nice. i spent a few hours with jared and then moseyed on to clare's, where we sat in the sun and talked about how good it is to finally be on holidays. apart from that, a few things are worth mentioning:

1. a computer beat me at chess. i have always found that kind of thing demoralising in the extreme... but at least computers aren't sexist, so if they want to establish a new wold order, i'll yield. like the woman that i am.

2. i saw a woman cry on the bus. two hours later i smiled at the memory of jen (or should i say MC Disease) singing "i'm fieak", and a man across from me smiled in response to my glee. we grinned at each other for a couple of minutes, before he stepped out of the train at town hall and we waved goodbye forever. sometimes it's ok to connect with strangers. without it i sometimes forget that another entire life and history of individual experience exists within each, and begin instead to think of them as being no more real than the zora people, playing background to my amazing adventures.

3. i played twilight princess. i died three times, but it has won my heart.

night night

the people i know solely within the descriptions of others are very weak, weak characters indeed. as soon as my view of them is changed by someone giving me a different version, the way they look in my head also transforms. sometimes they become more beautiful, other times they begin to wither and perhaps contract the pox. all that i hold in my head of them are a bizarre collection of imaginings - and yet, what about the people i have met in person? their faces are made up of memories, near transparent stills layered by the millions, a portrait of time. and they are subject to the same transformations. subjectivity makes me a mite paranoid.

In other news... Amanda Palmer has written a play - The Onion Cellar.
I have expressed my reaction in the following:

Sydney is quite nice
There are ducks and sometimes bats
Boston is better

maybe i will write a play. maybe it will be about a wizard who harnesses the ocean currents caused by global warming to conjure an unspeakable evil. maybe i will blackmail my loved ones into contributing...
probably i will not. :)

goodnight!

i'm listening to Delta tap away on her piano. i'm watching spashley fan vids on youtube. i'm also watching the bones move underneath my skin when i type. i know that for all my analytical scepticism, i am a teenage girl at heart.
it's at the most unremarkable times such as now that i manage to feel overwhelmed by the incredibleness of life. i can't explain it, just sometimes... things feel absolutely perfect. almost like i can stand outside of it, amazed that i'm alive at all. i feel like i'll never get used to the world. it makes it very hard to worry about anything. UAI? pah. PAH.
at the same time, my delight in existence has meant that i'm not as passionately angry about things as i used to be. a necessary trade off, maybe. i can't help thinking there would be less to be angry about if more people relaxed, and took the afternoon off to read in the sun.
and i know that i sound like a sap. you see, i am a sap.

the last few days have been really nice... i spent yesterday afternoon at Jared's house, then stayed up late talking to Tim (Sophie's brother) on msn. i've just come back from Mona's 18th, where there was dancing and celebration, and now i'm going to draw for a while...
things are excellent.

ha! i found a blog post on my computer from the 18th of october. i'm going to post it here:

>>>>

This week has gone by in the proverbial flash. And overall, the past few days have been hardly stressful at all. I spent last Monday in Venue Music with my dad, playing several different guitars…
It ended up that I bought the first one that I bled on… Which sounds pretty rock and roll, but the truth is I’d cut my finger making a sandwich about half an hour before leaving the house. Still.

On Thursday I saw Jared, which made the ‘C seem hardly important. Or made me a lot more optimistic, at least.
On Saturday we set out to get the guitar, ended up with a flat battery in the middle of the city, and I bought some peach flavoured ice-tea.
On Sunday my grandmother told me that she knew I’d do well in the exams, but that she’d love me anyway if I didn’t… (yay)
I skipped a night of sleep on Monday, hoping that it might help me kick the inevitably renewed 2am – 10am sleeping pattern, and so gained the goodness of a disc of Buffy and a completed ’Truth essay. The sleeping situation however remains dire.
And the highlight… Last night my sister and I jammed in the style of something like dada-folk. Without giving in to the temptation of hyperbole, it was akin to the musical realisation of god.

And today I have studied. Which has been alright, even f i haven't quite managed the copious amount that I’d imagined magically being able to do. And in general things have been nice, apart from my having to adopt “don’t be psychotic” as a mantra.
Hmmm.

>>>>

i'm also going to post some of my spam poems. i'm now receiveing over 1000 spam emails a month, most of them full of randomised text in order to fool the filters. it reads like the subconscious of the internet. which explains all the sex. anyway here they are in the form of verse:

With her foot in a washbasin
She said, “Rance Belmont.
He wants your info,
And hot face.”
And so I shot him

In the week following the hurricane,
All I could see was
Scenes of misery, screaming,
Cheering, adoring fans.
I also made up some roasted carrots.

I remember
Da in the rocking chair
With his other clothes on,
Telling us
Coded Government secrets:
“The biscuits need attending to”;
“Young Slut so pulchritudinous”

Dead monsters
Enjoy the world.
Regards,
El Diablo


they are presents. to make up for my lack of posting. (they will also make my name).
it usually happens that i do a lot more reflection when my internet connection is experiencing shyness. right now i have no excuse not to blog, because my keyboard has been replaced and i've actually been doing things that are worth remembering. at least in the short term.
unexcitingly enough, the first among them has been the hours upon hours of each day that i spend downloading and subsequently watching tv episodes: firefly, studio 60, and most recently, south of nowhere - a mediocre american teen drama focusing on two pretty girls who fall in love. which is my favourite thing ever. oh, and principal snider makes a guest appearance as the terrifying sexual orientation specialist.
my aunt and i have also fallen into obsession with queer as folk. i've been spending half my days at her place, which is cheating, in a way... because i have left my house, but only to stay inside all day in the house of someone else.
it sounds stupid, but watching shows about people who are gay is reassuring. mostly i think because you get to swap realities for a while, so that all of a sudden everyone in the world is happy loving whoever they love and fear is something that happens only in movies made for freaks who choose to live that way (but its ok because we don't let them get married). anyway. things are fine for me, so i can't let myself get overdramatic on the issue.

last night was jess w's 18th, which was great fun. i caught up with some people i haven't seen since the formal, was hugged by some of my favourite people, and talked to dave about the theatre. also, mintie and mia came to my house beforehand for joanna newsom tickets and stayed for a time, which made me glad.
usually at this hour i would be reading my emails. or failing that, reading my spam emails.

speech day is tomorrow. a reminder of the timetabled life. BLEH. i should go to rest.

i've been listening to Broken Social Scene mostly non-stop over the last week. and yes, i'm aware that i'm behind in realising how great a band they are. the only problem at the moment is that i have to hold my head at a weird angle for both my earphones to work. so hopefully i don't end up with a hideous neck pain that i forever associate with canadian indie rock.

as for the ostensible function of this blog:
today i woke up at 3 (in the noon of the after). i watched the cricket, and jeered (politely) at the motherland. i gave my (now appreciative sounding) guitar a new set of strings, and i went to see Borat with my parents (hilarious). so ends another day.
as point of interest, for some reason the veins in my hands are unnervingly pronounced.

goodnight!

Summer in the City

i am sitting at the laptop typing this, because my wireless keyboard is much too efficient to actually work. but i've got the computer on right next to it, so that i can listen to my music without hassle and read my bookmarked fanfics. i like the way the laptop warms up my palms with all the energy it is expending. sick? strange? who knows, maybe i'll go and look up some videos of oil fields burning pretty and red. it will take up some of my expansive free time. (i am also too efficent to work. today, at least.)

i had my teacher scholarship interview today (drama/ english). the people of Blacktown are a very kind folk - taking the time to point me back and forth in various directions, and complain along with me at the reprehensible lack of signage. one woman offered me some of her hot chips. i then sat in a waiting-hallway for a while with another applicant by the name of Amy, wondering if we were being monitored, and that this was actually the test. the elevators seemed in a continuous, pointless exchange of suited government workers, like some kind of absurdist play. i wondered if there were cameras. i wondered if talking about how to successfully lockdown and gas an underground train station while simultaneously downloading music would create some kind of reaction. i wondered if Amy was gay, before being collected for the interview... which i thought went quite well. at least, i've never sustained such enthusiasm in that kind of situation before.
this evening i watched The City of Lost Children. i now feel like i've had my fix of dreams for tonight. very pretty film. then i watched rage for a couple of hours, which is something i haven't done in ages. i don't know why i haven't.
in other news, my plans for tomorrow have been thwarted, so i'll have to concieve of something amazing to do instead. maybe see how long i can play my guitars for before my fingers and/or ears start to bleed. :)
i've got to start waking up earlier. the hours between 11pm and 4am becomes a period of nothingness, where i can't seem to feel time passing. in contrast, waking up at midday always feels like the day (not just the daylight) has been significantly shortened. hm!

goodnight

ok. two people in the last two days have accused me of only being in music-love with bands that have strong female vocalists. and granted, i couldn't actually think of many bands to counter that satement on the spot...
SO here is a list of the man-voiced bands that i adore: Elliot Smith, Powderfinger, Radiohead, Interpol, David Bowie, The Cure, U2, Jeff Buckley, and Final Fantasy.
there are thousands of millions of others that i greatly like.

apart from defending my open minded music taste, today i visited the old alma mater to officially sign out. some teachers greeted me with warm welcomes, others told me jokingly to get a life. it's what all the cool kids are doing apparently. i saw ms. debourg leading her tiny sinners toward the library with her bellowingly righteous voice. it's nice to know that some things will stay nice and familiar. or maybe it's just nice to know that others will suffer as we were made to, because the knowlege that everything will inevitably change is more often than not a consolation.

afterward, i visited mintie. he gave me ginger beer and korean pop! i also saw rishi, which was a bonus. AND rishi gave me a swiss health candy. double bonus. the evening was nice as well - sophie came over to collect monies and show me lots of youtube videos. pretty ones.

ones of final fantasy covering joanna newsom.

kind of spectacular.

goodnight

(7 on a scale of dead to breathing)

We’ve begun to settle into the new house, though we still don’t have a phone or internet connection. I continue to neglect study and organisation.
There are only two days of school left. My response is fairly standard – excitement confused with nostalgia. I’ll miss Hornsby.
I had a quart of blood taken out of my arm yesterday. On the way to the clinic I had a conversation with my mum about how it is movies and tv create such a nice sense of control in people. That’s why my dad and I are so into Buffy. Along with the quality wit and pretty girls who are sometimes gay, it provides the experience of danger in a manageable atmosphere. We attempted to decide whether Buffy operates as a third level sign – separating our reality from a reality of constant threat in order that while watching we feel increasingly safe in our own non-buffy world (when in fact the world is full of stupid intangible pain). So we then talked about reality construction for a while, before agreeing that we have both remained godless because all institutions are so infuriatingly parochial.
I love my mum.
Last night was Alyssa’s under the sea party, which was really nice. There was more of a D and M atmosphere than I’ve experienced in a while. And punch.
I’m going to finish sorting out my room today. My mum has tried to make my mattress more bedlike by putting another two mattresses on top of it. I’m half expecting someone to put peas underneath me while I sleep in order to find out whether I’m marriable.

Today has been a relatively good day. In fact, relative to the last couple of days, today was fantastic. Alyssa, Helen and I got angry about politics for a while in English, we played drama games in drama (hilarity and cultural stereotypes ensued), and I was able to come home early to the remainder of Buffy season 5.
I’ve now watched a season and a half in a week. I’ll probably finish the series by the HSC. Jenny advised me against ever trying any hard drugs.

Today I also started my reinvigoration regime, wherein I walk away my incapacitating weariness. I went to the place where the city looks like a toy, marvelled at the sunset, then wandered home and ticked off my health boxes.

I also wrote a haiku:

Walking in circles
Come, come, adrenalin, come!
Forehead is bleeding.

I should write about Saturday night, but to be cliché, words cannot closely express it. It was surreal, and at the same time made me feel incredibly, tangibly alive. The climax of surreal-ness was probably Bad Habit, because it was the first Dresden Dolls song I listened to, and the song that made me first fall in love with them all those years ago.
Experiences like that – music, art, sunsets – make me feel connected to something stronger than my own fragile existence. I like it. For one, it makes not writing practice essays less of a tragedy.
I managed to do the obsessive fan thing after the concert: I hung around and met Amanda Palmer. I shook her hand and told her that she’d changed my life.
I could have been a lot creepier. I am creepy when it comes to The Dresden Dolls. I love them.

And I love you! (most probably)

Night!

Conquering trial exams two by two – hurrah, hurrah.

1. I’ve been kind of moody of late. I must make it stop. Or get pregnant, so that I at least have an excuse. The HSC can only be blamed for so many things.

2. I’ve been wondering whether personal fulfilment is directly proportionate to the amount of Buffy one watches.

3. 1 MONTH AND 1 DAY UNTIL I MEET MY DESTINY/ THE DRESDEN DOLLS.

4. I love everyone, and i miss them.

i went to school today. i wouldn't bother mentioning the fact if it hadn't become a little rare in my day to day pattern.

in other news, 1. i've decided that i finally understand the whole noumena/phenomena thing. it happened on the train yesterday, while i was looking at a yellow door.
2. my favourite song at the moment is "police and the private" by Metric. it is nice. the rest of the album is heartbreakingly mediocre.

i started working on extension 2 again today, and have decided that i'll get a lot done this evening. however, after reading about crash (the J.G. Ballard one), i'm tempted to change my entire work. i'm sure it's just because i'm in a post-human kind of mood. (is that possible?.)

at the same time, i wrote a poemy-thing that i'm sure i'll hate tomorrow. right now, i like it, but not for any reason in particular.


For the excusing
(from life)
Not the punishing,
I’m keeping
What I learned
From the light.

No one will see,
Until I find
(Huddled and kept)
What I wept over,
Pickled and wet
For the future.

i think about the only entity that i haven't complained to about my current scholastic imbroglio is the internet community. so here we are. despite the fact that the only person who reads this is my beloved.

today i had to finish writing the extension 2 report and type out all my modern notes.
from 11 - 1 i typed up our group script. from 3 - 6:30, then 7:30 - 9:30 i worked on my film, and from 9:30 - 10:30 i tampered with my draft. for the last hour i've played "five little speckled frogs" on the elctric guitar.
so, there is not much left of today, and i still have one and a half tasks to write, despite having ostensibly worked all day. hmm.

you know i want to be a rock star, don't you rach? the HSC don't matter. neither does grammar, when you are a rock star. i'm going to pioneer a new music genre that encapsulates the feeling of knowing a million pointless things, and having to regurgitate them to the point where it all seems to mean the same thing. all my songs will sound like "five little speckled frogs", and all my songs will be brilliant. the debut album will feature me being eaten by a stalk.

sigh.

bovie says goodnight~