alright, so here's the news: i haven't been having a great time with my course recently. the idea of spending another four years doing nothing by writing essays almost brings me to tears, and although technically i should be able to be creative in my spare time, it's what i'd always prefer to be doing. i'm interested to learn the things that i'm learning, but so far only philosophy has really grabbed me. my motivation has been shocking this semester, and although i have been slack in the past, i have never been so apathetic. it's actually pretty frightening.
i felt something similar even at the end of last semester, but i had hoped that it would change. anyway it seems that it's not going to, and i feel like it would be foolish to continue without any reason to believe that next year will be different. although, the whole original idea was Drama Teacher. i've been hanging out for performance studies. fuck, i just don't know.
the first thing to do is probably dye my hair, to commemorate the quarterlife crisis. after that i'm really not sure. perhaps visual communications, perhaps sca, perhaps a break entirely. even just transferring to a BA, where i could continue with philosophy and performance.
i really hate this, it was nice being a motivated high achiever. really nice.