oh wow, so i had a late night conversation on msn yesterday. do you all remember the msn? there are things in life that make me reflect on the progress of my existence thus far, and rediscovering the primary source of social procrastination from my halcion days (yes, fairly convinced they've already happened) is one of them. where did three and a half years of my life go? they've disappeared lyk unecessary vowels in the abbreviated expression of life's MEANING. maybe i've just had a couple of beers and a philosophical talk with our couchsurfer and i'm in an overly contrived frame of thinking.
it's strange. i don't know if i still believe the things that i always seem to say in conversations about life x happiness. but at least it's nice to know that i can still articulate my old thoughts with a decent level of conviction. i feel like my face is believable when i talk about the extreme/sole importance of the present, but i really wonder what it would be like to have a conversation with myself at 18. who would be stronger? it's time for another seance in search of what's dead of me, obviously. and a metaphorical wrestling match/ wet t-shirt competition. alllriiight.
also i'm going to do an intensely truncated montage of the past six months, because this blog used to reflect certain exciting aspects of my life and these days it really doesn't.
in the last six months i.
quit my job in a silent rage. in the surveillance tapes i destroy a madeira cake.
went hiking for six days and ate almost nothing but almonds and cashews. drank from a waterfall. felt alive and refreshed, glowing, excited. sat inside the colour green, white thoughts falling out of tree-tops onto my book, my diary, my orange raincoat. wrote nothing, because i felt it instead.
had a fling with a beautiful girl. had a sort-of-serious with another. avoided the word love but did that stupid thing with my hand over my heart and we both got embarassed at how clear the meaning of some cliches can be.
swam in a lake. swam in a gorge. painted walls, got drunk, home-brew alchoholic ginger beer, bicycle rides through launceston, political talks with the lights low because we're saving energy. and electricity is basically a mood-killer.
cuddled a python.
mardi-gras. WOW.
volunteered at the folk festival. yoga in the mornings, music in the daytimes, bottle-soccer and songs in the night time. played spice girls covers with jen on a caravan/stage to twenty people. met a douchebag and jammed with his nice friends. played a dulcimer. hurdy gurdy band in the chai tent.
ecstasy, acid, salvia, pot, mushrooms, cactus?
tree planting, crystal bowl healing, the holy mountain, a girl named nary gave me a massage to psytrance and shook out my soul. fire-twirled for the first time without having non-fire twirled. entrancing, noun and verb. bottle of red wine in my red pocket. held the night under my tongue. dead moths everywhere, or clinging to gigantic pulsating trance socks. mark, louise! wtf? sat in front of fires/sunrises, ate a bullrush and a witchety grub.
met a guy who taught me to swing poi, he plays the santur.
played my violin in front of people, anarchists.
made a zine. made paper. started writing and drawing again. had a party, contributed to a time-travel antonio banderas jonny depp slashfic. egyptian lotus wine.
started hanging out with a bunch of really amazing people in my degree.
hosted ben, a fairly awesome guy.

there are other things. but whatever.

in the next six months i will:
start going to life drawing at the hutch. make another zine. busk more.
start working on my essay.